Back to December Rewrite

—–Content Warning——
This article is best not to be read if your mind is in a bad place.
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This is a rewrite of Back to December by Taylor Swift. This is about remembering how easy things used to be and what life was like before this illness. I hope you consider sharing this if you like it!

I’m so bad it’s never easy
How’s life? That’s what someone asks me
I haven’t been fine in awhile
I’m not good. As panicky as ever
I make small talk, work but I wither
My guard is up now all the time
Because now when someone sees me
It feels they burn in the back of my head
Are they looking and judging who I am?

So this is me standing here without pride
Wondering where in the world my life has gone
And I go back to December all the time
When I had freedom and wasn’t anxious at all
Wishing I’d realized what I had when I was fine
I’d go back to December and remember being fine
I go back to December all the time

These days I haven’t been sleeping
Staying up playing back my mistakes
When my birthday passed and it felt noone cared at all
And now it’s summer beautiful all the time
I watch people laughing and having fun
Realize I don’t have much at all

I want the cold here, and dark days before fear crept into my mind
Wish I could feel all their love instead of feeling Goodbye

So where in the world is my pride
Doesn’t feel like I have anything left at all
And I go back to December all the time
Where’s my freedom I miss good days
Wish I’d realized what I had being happy all the time
I’d go back to December and realize what was mine
I go back to December all the time

People posting tanned skin, sweet smiles
So good for them, so right
And darkness holds me in its arms on these summer nights
And all I want to do is cry

I know this is wishful thinking
And just mindless dreaming
But if I’m loved again I swear I’ll do it right

I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t
Now pain is all around don’t understand

This is me where is my pride
Standing out here saying I’m sorry for what I am tonight
And I go back to December
Just want freedom and to stop missing things
Wishing I’d realized what I had when things were fine
I’d go back to December and wonder how to make it right
I’d go back to December and wonder if I can change my own mind

I go back to December all the time
All the time

Who Do You Love Rewrite

This is a rewrite of Who Do You Love by Marianas Trench. This song just expresses a lot of the emotions thoughts and feelings that run through my mind with anxiety.

Well I’ve been deep in this sleeplessness
And I do know why
Wish I’d get away from myself
Will I get back on my feet and blow things open wide?
Will I ever feel good health?

Oh it’s been so long
Anxious and wish I
Was someone else
I don’t know how people see me
But I hate the way I see myself
All I can feel is broken
And I’ve been this way too long
I hear the words I’ve spoken
And everything comes out wrong
I just can’t get this together
Can’t get where I belong

How can I love?
How can I love?
How can I love?

And I’ve been deep in this anxiousness
I don’t know why
Just can’t get back to myself
How can I get back on my feet and blow things open wide
And get back to having good health
Screaming
How can I love? x7

From fable to fumble
From stable to stumble
That is me
I can’t seem to shake this anxiety
And come back to propiety
I wish I could
Can I come back to life broken?
Or should I stay away for long?
Even if words I’ve spoken
Seem to still come out wrong
Trying to get life together
And go where I belong

How can I love? x3

And I’ve been deep in this anxiousness
I don’t know why
Just can’t get back to myself
How can I get back on my feet and blow things open wide
And get back to having good health
Screaming
How can I love? x8

Wish things would quiet
I wouldn’t have to move
Moving on might as well try it
What if everything I lose?
Want nothing to change but then I loose.

And I’ve been deep in this anxiousness
I don’t know why
Just can’t get back to myself
How can I get back on my feet and blow things open wide
And get back to having good health
And I’ve been deep in this anxiousness
I don’t know why
Just can’t get back to myself
How can I get back on my feet and blow things open wide
And get back to having good health
Screaming
How can I love? x16

How can I love?

Amnesia Rewrite

———-Content warning: This is not a positive post and is best to not be read if your mind is not in a good place.——

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——-Trigger Warning: Suicide——-

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Here is a Rewrite of Amnesia from the band 5 Seconds of Summer. They have been a band that’s very open about mental illness and I’m glad for that. Anyways this is inspired by just how much has changed because of anxiety and what my mind can be like. Just a warning that this one does get dark and may be disturbing to some people. However it is also a very real symptom of anxiety and something I wanted to add in.

If you want a link to the original here it is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCCJCILiX3o

I was able to go to places and not at all get nervous
I think about that time and how it felt things were so easy
And even though I tell people I’m doing fine

Now I go somewhere and feel lonely even if people are beside me
And people say innocent words but they hurt and I overthink them

Sometimes I start to wonder is it all a lie?
If this illness is real how can I be fine?

Cause I’m not fine at all

I remember the day when I first had this illness
I remember tears that wanted to run down my face
If feels my dreams are shattered and I don’t need them
Same with every single wish I ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about what anxiety really means
The way it feels to fall asleep and hope to die
And bad memories I never can escape

Cause I’m not fine at all

Pictures of me dying are all living in my head
I’ll admit I like to see them I’ll admit I feel alone
Would all my friends notice if I’m not around?

Or would they still be happy how easy would they move on?
Would it be hard to hear my name and know that I’m gone?

I know this won’t happen I know these thoughts are lies
But if these thoughts are real how can I be fine?

‘Cause I’m not fine at all

I now know what it feels like to be very anxious
It’s impossible to think, make small decisions
And your dreams you leave behind you don’t need them
And you crush every single wish you ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about what anxiety really means
Like the way it feels to fall asleep with your pills
Because some nights you know no other way

If today I woke up and this was not beside me
Like having it was just some twisted dream
I’d be more thankful for health than I was before
And I’d never slip away
And here’s what I’d say

I remember what it feels like to feel you’re insane
And I know what it feels like to have tears run down your face
And your dreams you leave behind you don’t need them
Same with every single wish you’ve ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And stop worrying over stupid little things
And how it feels to want everything to be over
And bad feelings that I never can escape

Cause I’m not fine at all
No I’m really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
Cause I’m really not fine at all